ONE MONTH!!! It feels both too faraway and way too close all at the same time! I figure the best I can do is live up and enjoy the time I have left :) I've been hanging out with friends, going to my favorite spots, and just reminiscing about my time here! And that's just the beginning! Intense nostalgie will kick in soon enough! I'm gonna miss these amazing people so much! When I was buying my ticket, Sophie was like "No! Buy it in 17 yrs!" and she'll always give me hugs and say "I don't want you to go!" I really don't want to leave but I wanna be home but I can't have my cake and eat it too! :(
Even though I'm sad to be leaving, I'm also really happy to be going home! I just have moments where I'm think "Home!" and I get super excited! When I was little and I got really excited, I would smile so big that the veins in my neck would pop out as if all my excitement was about to burst! Haha well I find myself doing that a lot of times here! I just think of getting into my normal routines! Driving! Seeing my amazing family and friends! And of course the food! :) It just feels like time!
Sunday I was Skyping with my mom and we had a very fun chat! :) There wasn't one "I'm homesick!" "The French blah blah blah sucks" "I feel empty without you!" JK! Haha but seriously it was just chill and funny! My mom won't say it out loud but she is absolutely relieved and elated I am coming home! Haha I keep everyone under control! And I'm her favorite! :) I miss her too! There will many a snuggles and a cuddles shared!
I like countdowns :) For birthdays, holidays, big events, whatever! So I've been doing my classic system.... pester the day into everyone's head with constant reminders so they will never forget my homecoming date: May 3rd! Phoenix Airport! Be there or be square! :)
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
6 More Weeks!
So it's official!! Last night we bought MY TICKET HOME!!! It seems like just yesterday I was jumping up and down cuz we bought my ticket TO France and now I only have 6 short tiny weeks until I return to the USA, my home, my family, and friends! I can hardly wait! Just hours prior to the ticket purchase I was calm as ever without giving considerable thought to coming home but after my mom told me we got it, I was kinda spazzing! SO SOON!!! It is actually a lot sooner than planned but that's because I need to take the SAT! So I will arrive the night of Tuesday, May 3rd! And take the SAT that Saturday!
I'm so overjoyed! Just reflecting back on this amazing experience not excluding some serious bouts of homesickness... I have loved it all so much! I have met some wonderful people I consider family and experience firsthand the French culture! My French is considerably better! When I first got here, I remember being told that you can't see the progress day by day but a few months later you will look back and be astonished at the growth so here I am almost done and I am truly stunned by my progress! :)
I'm sure these next 6 weeks will bring excitement at my homecoming as well as nostalgic moments with my French family! I have 4 more weeks of school! 2 weeks of April vacation :) One of which will be spent on a trip to Istanbul and Lebanon :-) I will also fit lots of studying in there! And then I'm home! It is still surreal! :) I have missed so many people! And all I can think about is the giant hugs I am gonna give each one of them! (Okay okay... I think about the big juicy In-n-Out burger I will devour as well!) I'm going home! I'm going home! I'm going home!!! I'm too excited for words!!! :-)
P.S. The cord that transfers from my camera to my computer is lost! I have lots of posts but most of them desperately need the accompaniment of pictures! So if worst comes to worse, they will all be posted when I get home! Better late than never! Right? :)
I'm so overjoyed! Just reflecting back on this amazing experience not excluding some serious bouts of homesickness... I have loved it all so much! I have met some wonderful people I consider family and experience firsthand the French culture! My French is considerably better! When I first got here, I remember being told that you can't see the progress day by day but a few months later you will look back and be astonished at the growth so here I am almost done and I am truly stunned by my progress! :)
I'm sure these next 6 weeks will bring excitement at my homecoming as well as nostalgic moments with my French family! I have 4 more weeks of school! 2 weeks of April vacation :) One of which will be spent on a trip to Istanbul and Lebanon :-) I will also fit lots of studying in there! And then I'm home! It is still surreal! :) I have missed so many people! And all I can think about is the giant hugs I am gonna give each one of them! (Okay okay... I think about the big juicy In-n-Out burger I will devour as well!) I'm going home! I'm going home! I'm going home!!! I'm too excited for words!!! :-)
P.S. The cord that transfers from my camera to my computer is lost! I have lots of posts but most of them desperately need the accompaniment of pictures! So if worst comes to worse, they will all be posted when I get home! Better late than never! Right? :)
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Long Time... No Post...
Hey-oh!!! It's been a while... quite a while... It's the 2nd of Febuary and I haven't posted since the middle of December! I'm sure many of you are just dying to know what's going on with my little French adventure! Haha JK! This blog is more for personal reasons so I can look back at this blog and remember everything that happened through my writing and pictures... I have kinda been neglecting it! And I have a good explanation :)
As some of you might know, I went home for Christmas! I really kept it on the down low actually... It was nice to hang out with my family and all that!!!...but there was... some issues... which I don't really care to get into details about. Anyways I ended up coming back to France but just not as my usual self! When things go wrong, I blame myself... I really was just kinda depressed for the first few days I was back and even after that passed, I felt like I was just kinda... drifting... Like doing, saying, and being who I thought I should be but inside I felt really disappointed about how a lot of things went down.... I'm sorry if anyone felt ignored. I think I was disappointing those people who really loved and cared about me and trying to please the people that didn't matter as much. I guess with the people I love more emotion is involved and that's the last thing I wanted. I'm just sorry...
Throughout all of this time, I just kinda wanted to go home because I felt like I couldn't continue that way and I just wanted to be happy. I was even look at tickets and figured out that I could be home in a matter of days. Plus when I learned that Marine was most likely coming back in March to stay, that kinda made me want to get home just to even it up. I was worried about school credits. I missed my friends and family. I know this is a great new experience but you miss little things and you get almost jealous of those home just having a completely normal Junior year while mine felt complicaed and kinda sad according to the whole past month... And that leads me up to now...
I have been so happy the past few days :) It all started with Monday. I was feeling pretty sad all day. I got home and decided I needed to change my attitude. I listened to some happy songs :-) And I started focusing on what I like about those close to me and I told them. That got me feeling so much better. I decided I was gonna make whatever amends possible to fix the relationships I had damaged... Then... I get a Skype call from my dad. He had talked with my school counselor because my credits were just crazy. Essentially, my dad told me I had to come home as soon as possible, get enrolled in school, and start making up for lost credits or else I wouldn't get into a university or get any scholarships... This hit me hard. Anyone who knows me knows that school is a big deal to me. I was so grateful to be here but if being here the entire year meant I would end up in community college, I would be on a plane in a second. Okay before you get any ideas... Nope I'm still in France :)
Like I said before I was thinking about going back, so this seemed like the perfect out right??? Not just yet... I like having my options... Yes, I had the choice... But it's like when you are little, your parents tell you that you have the choice to do your chores but if you didn't, you couldn't watch tv. Okay so pretty much choice made... Technically speaking, sure you have the choice but when the repercussions are solid like that, I don't feel like I do...
Anyways, I wanted to have my options. So I was coming up with ideas that would make it so I was able to stay to the end like online classes or doubling up on courses my Senior year. My dad pretty much shut down all of them. "With you taking that many AP classes Senior year, you will be grouchy and the family wouldn't want to deal with that" Okay... So he's not cared for my stress level with taking that many credits. He's cared about how it affects the family/ him. I think my dad went to the counselor already with the mindset "What can she do if she comes backs right now?" so of course the counselor jumps into that with credit recovery etc...
I have never doubted that I was going for a scholastic diploma. I'm not shooting for the top here but like I said, I want options. I'm smart enough so I knew I could handle the challenge. I was number 2 in my sophomore class. I like school... Okay I know you are totally thinking "Nerd"! It's true!!! :) Haha but I didn't want all my hard work just to end up in community college... I'm not trying to bash on CC. It is a great plan for some. I have 4 older siblings... 3 of them started at a CC and the other went to a university but only for a short time so I saw the benefits: being able to live at home, flexibility, cheap, they accept EVERYONE(seriously I could do practically nothing in HS and get in), being able to work simultaneously, and overall just easier. But this is NOT my goal. My dream has always been a university straight out of High School! My dad was also trying to convince me out of this saying they try to weed you out, it's too expensive. I brought up financial aid and then he went into a long explanation why I can't get that until 3 yrs into college plus the expense of living etc... He then told me I had to basically work my butt off if I wanted that. My thought process at this time: 'So I should go home to get into a university but even if I make that big sacrifice, my dreams will still evenutally be crushed.'
I was just having visions of me packing, saying goodbye to these people I love so much, forgetting french, regretting coming home when there is other options. I just felt like I was qutting... I felt defeated... I was sad... Under normal circumstances, I would have railed on my dad for this but like I said, I was in a good mood and I wanted to improve relationships (the one with my dad could use the most TLC) so while I was tearing up I kindly thanked my dad for trying to help and I would think about and get back to him....
That's when the waterworks hit. I hadn't cried like that in who knows when? Forever! Normally, I would just stay in my room crying and feeling sorry for myself and if I get caught, make up some stupid excuse... I've done that before. But this time, I went straight to the Ashtons. Stasha gave me a big hug and I was trying to get a hold of myself. I finally got out what was wrong. She kinda laughed because well... at first glance, it looked like I was crying about school.
I explained to her everything that happened. Basically, she told me the truth about everything. I can go to whatever school I want. I can get financial aid. I don't have to leave. I only need 9 and a half credits. We looked into maybe get some to transfer and the possibility of taking AP classes. We sent an email to my counselor taking the situation into my own hands. We told her my REAL goals: staying the entire year but have my credits more figured out and keeping my GPA high.
Stasha really calmed me down. I really haven't "broken-down" many times and I know it's hard when you don't know exactly what that person needs to be comforted but they did well :) I am new to the college school system so I believed a lot of what my dad said but it's nice having other adults who can also can you some facts to balance the others you hear. My dad's knowledge isn't perfect so I couldn't take everything that he had to say as the truth.
I even asked if I take normal, non-Honors, non-weighted junior year online English and Math would that drop my GPA? For my school yes so my ranking would go down but the universities unweight it so basically no big deal :) I would prefer to have AP or honors but essentially that's no biggy! I think me staying the entire year would do more for my college application than a good ranking... Plus how would it look if I backed out just cuz I got a tad bit scared... I knew this was hard coming in and it would mess me up. It doesn't help that I'm already a transfer student. I've gone to a different school so far each year in my high school career. Oh crazy!
We all really had no idea why my dad would said that untrue stuff... I get kinda scared about expressing my opinion and feelings on this but this is my blog and I have the freedom to say it. He really was just trying to get me to go to Community College or BYU... And I believe he thinks that if I don't, I wouldn't be under his control. This just felt munipulative to me. He didn't have my best interests at heart. For some reason, he wanted me to come home and stay there for a while going to a CC. He didn't even care when I started crying or got upset. I've heard the excuse for that is he is just a guy but he just seemed like that was the reaction he was looking for... It hurts... I felt like the only thing I was trying to do was live my life and get a little bit of space. My mom is always saying I'll regret wanting to leave so soon. I've never been shy in voicing my thoughts on the subject. I think that might hurt her feelings becuase I think they prefer to think I'll be there for a few more years as most of my older siblings have done. But I'm different... I don't think I need to... It's not like it's a terrible environment but I want to grow and have my own experience... And I felt like my dad killed any hope of that every happening and I would be stuck there for a while...
But I had family who helped me see through that! They encouraged me and help me coming back ten fold! I have been talking with Stasha a lot. I was really unsure of where I wanted to go in life. It's always always always been 3 options: chef, professor, or doctor. I was interested in all of them but my number one passion is being a doctor. I want to have a family so I felt like I always put this on the back burner because frankly, those two are hard to balance so I was willing to settle. Stasha really inspired me and showed me that I could... I had more ambition than just getting married and I couldn't trade one dream for the other. If it really is my passion, I need to go for it!!! Her brother is a neurosurgeon so she could tell me about some of the experiences her brother went through. She helped me research. On aptitude tests, I always got medical. People always tell me they totally see me a doctor. And it truly is my passion. It's not about the money or any of that. It's what I love. My dream of being a doctor got completely rekindled with fury!!!
Especially after what just happened with my dad, I was feeling so much more on top. Him saying it was impossible just made me want to prove him wrong even more. I am gonna go to a good university after HS and I am gonna be a doctor! I decide my own path. Of course, it's harder with out his support and just that path in general is more difficult but I'm so up for the challenge. I am strong! And once I know where I'm going, I will work for it full heartedly! I feel so invigoriated know exactly here I want go :-) I feel more collected!
Another passion of mine is definetely staying in France until the end. My credits will be fine and being here a full year will make me so much more appealing rather than having a more figured out transcript! It'll be a little messy and difficult but so worth it! If I go back to AZ, I would so regret it. I know what's there. On the weekends I would hang out with friends. I would drive. I would be with my family. I would go to school. I miss those moments but they are normal reptitive and common. Just last weekend I went to Italy and Monaco! What an amazing experience! I'm still learning French! Plus there is still so much more to see... Stasha was planning the girl's trip to London we'll be taking in March but they were joking around "Oh no! You'll be in AZ!" I love my family to death but I have family here too :)This is my home... Not my only home but it really is home! Recently, Pascaline and Nicolas told me that I can come back here whenever I need to. I don't even have to tell them I'm coming! That just made me feel like I truly am a part of this family... Not just temporary... A girl who comes for a year, we have some laughs with, and then splits... Not it's more long term! They are always quick to remind me that I'm like their daughter... That just means the world to me! So if it works out... I wanna stay just those few more months. I can handle it!
I know my family really wants me to come back but I have to do this for me... I'm old enough to where I can truly make these decisions and hope that my family will respect them and support me. I know it hasn't been easy but I'm so grateful for the sacrifice everyone has made just for me! This opporunity is rare for kids my age. I feel like there is still so much more I need to experience. It's hard cuz I take the opinion of my mom seriously because we are so close. I know she'll understand. I love my mom so much! I could go on and on about how amazing she is and I know she will allow me to do whatever I wish. As hard as this experience is, essentially I wouldn't be going home for me. It would be for others. I know my sister has been in one of her more rebel stages and I feel like I'm not there to support her. But... She's not my responsibility. I don't want to sound selfish but she will make her own decisions and just my mere presence there will not change that. I love her to death and it hurts me to see her like that but I can't go home for that.
I'm figuring out how to be happy. For a while I thought me getting back to happy would take going back home but do you know what? It's all up to me... No matter where I am... I can make it happen! There are for surely some changes that need to be made but now I feel so grounded. I have a clear goal in sight and it gives me something everyday to fight for knowing one day I will achieve it! I'm just kinda savoring my bliss! Read the quote under my blog title. That's from a song called "Self-Portrait" by Stephanie Smith. If you get a chance, look it up. My friend, Ashlee, made a mix CD and put that on and said it was my theme song. That has never been more true than it is now! I have wanted to go to France since forever and I made that happen! The opportunity came and I jumped on it! Even when so many people said I was crazy or that's impossible. I think I kinda forgot about that girl... But I found her! I let fear take the place of my confidence in who I am and where I'm going!
This new sense of happiness did inspire me to get back into blogging so I can share this new found me. I have past posts just sitting there waiting to be finished, tweeked, and posted. I'll let you know as I get them up but as of right now, I'm kinda starting fresh and I'll keep you updated! I'm sorry this was so long but thanks for making it all the way!!! :)
Stay tuned....
As some of you might know, I went home for Christmas! I really kept it on the down low actually... It was nice to hang out with my family and all that!!!...but there was... some issues... which I don't really care to get into details about. Anyways I ended up coming back to France but just not as my usual self! When things go wrong, I blame myself... I really was just kinda depressed for the first few days I was back and even after that passed, I felt like I was just kinda... drifting... Like doing, saying, and being who I thought I should be but inside I felt really disappointed about how a lot of things went down.... I'm sorry if anyone felt ignored. I think I was disappointing those people who really loved and cared about me and trying to please the people that didn't matter as much. I guess with the people I love more emotion is involved and that's the last thing I wanted. I'm just sorry...
Throughout all of this time, I just kinda wanted to go home because I felt like I couldn't continue that way and I just wanted to be happy. I was even look at tickets and figured out that I could be home in a matter of days. Plus when I learned that Marine was most likely coming back in March to stay, that kinda made me want to get home just to even it up. I was worried about school credits. I missed my friends and family. I know this is a great new experience but you miss little things and you get almost jealous of those home just having a completely normal Junior year while mine felt complicaed and kinda sad according to the whole past month... And that leads me up to now...
I have been so happy the past few days :) It all started with Monday. I was feeling pretty sad all day. I got home and decided I needed to change my attitude. I listened to some happy songs :-) And I started focusing on what I like about those close to me and I told them. That got me feeling so much better. I decided I was gonna make whatever amends possible to fix the relationships I had damaged... Then... I get a Skype call from my dad. He had talked with my school counselor because my credits were just crazy. Essentially, my dad told me I had to come home as soon as possible, get enrolled in school, and start making up for lost credits or else I wouldn't get into a university or get any scholarships... This hit me hard. Anyone who knows me knows that school is a big deal to me. I was so grateful to be here but if being here the entire year meant I would end up in community college, I would be on a plane in a second. Okay before you get any ideas... Nope I'm still in France :)
Like I said before I was thinking about going back, so this seemed like the perfect out right??? Not just yet... I like having my options... Yes, I had the choice... But it's like when you are little, your parents tell you that you have the choice to do your chores but if you didn't, you couldn't watch tv. Okay so pretty much choice made... Technically speaking, sure you have the choice but when the repercussions are solid like that, I don't feel like I do...
Anyways, I wanted to have my options. So I was coming up with ideas that would make it so I was able to stay to the end like online classes or doubling up on courses my Senior year. My dad pretty much shut down all of them. "With you taking that many AP classes Senior year, you will be grouchy and the family wouldn't want to deal with that" Okay... So he's not cared for my stress level with taking that many credits. He's cared about how it affects the family/ him. I think my dad went to the counselor already with the mindset "What can she do if she comes backs right now?" so of course the counselor jumps into that with credit recovery etc...
I have never doubted that I was going for a scholastic diploma. I'm not shooting for the top here but like I said, I want options. I'm smart enough so I knew I could handle the challenge. I was number 2 in my sophomore class. I like school... Okay I know you are totally thinking "Nerd"! It's true!!! :) Haha but I didn't want all my hard work just to end up in community college... I'm not trying to bash on CC. It is a great plan for some. I have 4 older siblings... 3 of them started at a CC and the other went to a university but only for a short time so I saw the benefits: being able to live at home, flexibility, cheap, they accept EVERYONE(seriously I could do practically nothing in HS and get in), being able to work simultaneously, and overall just easier. But this is NOT my goal. My dream has always been a university straight out of High School! My dad was also trying to convince me out of this saying they try to weed you out, it's too expensive. I brought up financial aid and then he went into a long explanation why I can't get that until 3 yrs into college plus the expense of living etc... He then told me I had to basically work my butt off if I wanted that. My thought process at this time: 'So I should go home to get into a university but even if I make that big sacrifice, my dreams will still evenutally be crushed.'
I was just having visions of me packing, saying goodbye to these people I love so much, forgetting french, regretting coming home when there is other options. I just felt like I was qutting... I felt defeated... I was sad... Under normal circumstances, I would have railed on my dad for this but like I said, I was in a good mood and I wanted to improve relationships (the one with my dad could use the most TLC) so while I was tearing up I kindly thanked my dad for trying to help and I would think about and get back to him....
That's when the waterworks hit. I hadn't cried like that in who knows when? Forever! Normally, I would just stay in my room crying and feeling sorry for myself and if I get caught, make up some stupid excuse... I've done that before. But this time, I went straight to the Ashtons. Stasha gave me a big hug and I was trying to get a hold of myself. I finally got out what was wrong. She kinda laughed because well... at first glance, it looked like I was crying about school.
I explained to her everything that happened. Basically, she told me the truth about everything. I can go to whatever school I want. I can get financial aid. I don't have to leave. I only need 9 and a half credits. We looked into maybe get some to transfer and the possibility of taking AP classes. We sent an email to my counselor taking the situation into my own hands. We told her my REAL goals: staying the entire year but have my credits more figured out and keeping my GPA high.
Stasha really calmed me down. I really haven't "broken-down" many times and I know it's hard when you don't know exactly what that person needs to be comforted but they did well :) I am new to the college school system so I believed a lot of what my dad said but it's nice having other adults who can also can you some facts to balance the others you hear. My dad's knowledge isn't perfect so I couldn't take everything that he had to say as the truth.
I even asked if I take normal, non-Honors, non-weighted junior year online English and Math would that drop my GPA? For my school yes so my ranking would go down but the universities unweight it so basically no big deal :) I would prefer to have AP or honors but essentially that's no biggy! I think me staying the entire year would do more for my college application than a good ranking... Plus how would it look if I backed out just cuz I got a tad bit scared... I knew this was hard coming in and it would mess me up. It doesn't help that I'm already a transfer student. I've gone to a different school so far each year in my high school career. Oh crazy!
We all really had no idea why my dad would said that untrue stuff... I get kinda scared about expressing my opinion and feelings on this but this is my blog and I have the freedom to say it. He really was just trying to get me to go to Community College or BYU... And I believe he thinks that if I don't, I wouldn't be under his control. This just felt munipulative to me. He didn't have my best interests at heart. For some reason, he wanted me to come home and stay there for a while going to a CC. He didn't even care when I started crying or got upset. I've heard the excuse for that is he is just a guy but he just seemed like that was the reaction he was looking for... It hurts... I felt like the only thing I was trying to do was live my life and get a little bit of space. My mom is always saying I'll regret wanting to leave so soon. I've never been shy in voicing my thoughts on the subject. I think that might hurt her feelings becuase I think they prefer to think I'll be there for a few more years as most of my older siblings have done. But I'm different... I don't think I need to... It's not like it's a terrible environment but I want to grow and have my own experience... And I felt like my dad killed any hope of that every happening and I would be stuck there for a while...
But I had family who helped me see through that! They encouraged me and help me coming back ten fold! I have been talking with Stasha a lot. I was really unsure of where I wanted to go in life. It's always always always been 3 options: chef, professor, or doctor. I was interested in all of them but my number one passion is being a doctor. I want to have a family so I felt like I always put this on the back burner because frankly, those two are hard to balance so I was willing to settle. Stasha really inspired me and showed me that I could... I had more ambition than just getting married and I couldn't trade one dream for the other. If it really is my passion, I need to go for it!!! Her brother is a neurosurgeon so she could tell me about some of the experiences her brother went through. She helped me research. On aptitude tests, I always got medical. People always tell me they totally see me a doctor. And it truly is my passion. It's not about the money or any of that. It's what I love. My dream of being a doctor got completely rekindled with fury!!!
Especially after what just happened with my dad, I was feeling so much more on top. Him saying it was impossible just made me want to prove him wrong even more. I am gonna go to a good university after HS and I am gonna be a doctor! I decide my own path. Of course, it's harder with out his support and just that path in general is more difficult but I'm so up for the challenge. I am strong! And once I know where I'm going, I will work for it full heartedly! I feel so invigoriated know exactly here I want go :-) I feel more collected!
Another passion of mine is definetely staying in France until the end. My credits will be fine and being here a full year will make me so much more appealing rather than having a more figured out transcript! It'll be a little messy and difficult but so worth it! If I go back to AZ, I would so regret it. I know what's there. On the weekends I would hang out with friends. I would drive. I would be with my family. I would go to school. I miss those moments but they are normal reptitive and common. Just last weekend I went to Italy and Monaco! What an amazing experience! I'm still learning French! Plus there is still so much more to see... Stasha was planning the girl's trip to London we'll be taking in March but they were joking around "Oh no! You'll be in AZ!" I love my family to death but I have family here too :)This is my home... Not my only home but it really is home! Recently, Pascaline and Nicolas told me that I can come back here whenever I need to. I don't even have to tell them I'm coming! That just made me feel like I truly am a part of this family... Not just temporary... A girl who comes for a year, we have some laughs with, and then splits... Not it's more long term! They are always quick to remind me that I'm like their daughter... That just means the world to me! So if it works out... I wanna stay just those few more months. I can handle it!
I know my family really wants me to come back but I have to do this for me... I'm old enough to where I can truly make these decisions and hope that my family will respect them and support me. I know it hasn't been easy but I'm so grateful for the sacrifice everyone has made just for me! This opporunity is rare for kids my age. I feel like there is still so much more I need to experience. It's hard cuz I take the opinion of my mom seriously because we are so close. I know she'll understand. I love my mom so much! I could go on and on about how amazing she is and I know she will allow me to do whatever I wish. As hard as this experience is, essentially I wouldn't be going home for me. It would be for others. I know my sister has been in one of her more rebel stages and I feel like I'm not there to support her. But... She's not my responsibility. I don't want to sound selfish but she will make her own decisions and just my mere presence there will not change that. I love her to death and it hurts me to see her like that but I can't go home for that.
I'm figuring out how to be happy. For a while I thought me getting back to happy would take going back home but do you know what? It's all up to me... No matter where I am... I can make it happen! There are for surely some changes that need to be made but now I feel so grounded. I have a clear goal in sight and it gives me something everyday to fight for knowing one day I will achieve it! I'm just kinda savoring my bliss! Read the quote under my blog title. That's from a song called "Self-Portrait" by Stephanie Smith. If you get a chance, look it up. My friend, Ashlee, made a mix CD and put that on and said it was my theme song. That has never been more true than it is now! I have wanted to go to France since forever and I made that happen! The opportunity came and I jumped on it! Even when so many people said I was crazy or that's impossible. I think I kinda forgot about that girl... But I found her! I let fear take the place of my confidence in who I am and where I'm going!
This new sense of happiness did inspire me to get back into blogging so I can share this new found me. I have past posts just sitting there waiting to be finished, tweeked, and posted. I'll let you know as I get them up but as of right now, I'm kinda starting fresh and I'll keep you updated! I'm sorry this was so long but thanks for making it all the way!!! :)
Stay tuned....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
