ONE MONTH!!! It feels both too faraway and way too close all at the same time! I figure the best I can do is live up and enjoy the time I have left :) I've been hanging out with friends, going to my favorite spots, and just reminiscing about my time here! And that's just the beginning! Intense nostalgie will kick in soon enough! I'm gonna miss these amazing people so much! When I was buying my ticket, Sophie was like "No! Buy it in 17 yrs!" and she'll always give me hugs and say "I don't want you to go!" I really don't want to leave but I wanna be home but I can't have my cake and eat it too! :(
Even though I'm sad to be leaving, I'm also really happy to be going home! I just have moments where I'm think "Home!" and I get super excited! When I was little and I got really excited, I would smile so big that the veins in my neck would pop out as if all my excitement was about to burst! Haha well I find myself doing that a lot of times here! I just think of getting into my normal routines! Driving! Seeing my amazing family and friends! And of course the food! :) It just feels like time!
Sunday I was Skyping with my mom and we had a very fun chat! :) There wasn't one "I'm homesick!" "The French blah blah blah sucks" "I feel empty without you!" JK! Haha but seriously it was just chill and funny! My mom won't say it out loud but she is absolutely relieved and elated I am coming home! Haha I keep everyone under control! And I'm her favorite! :) I miss her too! There will many a snuggles and a cuddles shared!
I like countdowns :) For birthdays, holidays, big events, whatever! So I've been doing my classic system.... pester the day into everyone's head with constant reminders so they will never forget my homecoming date: May 3rd! Phoenix Airport! Be there or be square! :)
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
6 More Weeks!
So it's official!! Last night we bought MY TICKET HOME!!! It seems like just yesterday I was jumping up and down cuz we bought my ticket TO France and now I only have 6 short tiny weeks until I return to the USA, my home, my family, and friends! I can hardly wait! Just hours prior to the ticket purchase I was calm as ever without giving considerable thought to coming home but after my mom told me we got it, I was kinda spazzing! SO SOON!!! It is actually a lot sooner than planned but that's because I need to take the SAT! So I will arrive the night of Tuesday, May 3rd! And take the SAT that Saturday!
I'm so overjoyed! Just reflecting back on this amazing experience not excluding some serious bouts of homesickness... I have loved it all so much! I have met some wonderful people I consider family and experience firsthand the French culture! My French is considerably better! When I first got here, I remember being told that you can't see the progress day by day but a few months later you will look back and be astonished at the growth so here I am almost done and I am truly stunned by my progress! :)
I'm sure these next 6 weeks will bring excitement at my homecoming as well as nostalgic moments with my French family! I have 4 more weeks of school! 2 weeks of April vacation :) One of which will be spent on a trip to Istanbul and Lebanon :-) I will also fit lots of studying in there! And then I'm home! It is still surreal! :) I have missed so many people! And all I can think about is the giant hugs I am gonna give each one of them! (Okay okay... I think about the big juicy In-n-Out burger I will devour as well!) I'm going home! I'm going home! I'm going home!!! I'm too excited for words!!! :-)
P.S. The cord that transfers from my camera to my computer is lost! I have lots of posts but most of them desperately need the accompaniment of pictures! So if worst comes to worse, they will all be posted when I get home! Better late than never! Right? :)
I'm so overjoyed! Just reflecting back on this amazing experience not excluding some serious bouts of homesickness... I have loved it all so much! I have met some wonderful people I consider family and experience firsthand the French culture! My French is considerably better! When I first got here, I remember being told that you can't see the progress day by day but a few months later you will look back and be astonished at the growth so here I am almost done and I am truly stunned by my progress! :)
I'm sure these next 6 weeks will bring excitement at my homecoming as well as nostalgic moments with my French family! I have 4 more weeks of school! 2 weeks of April vacation :) One of which will be spent on a trip to Istanbul and Lebanon :-) I will also fit lots of studying in there! And then I'm home! It is still surreal! :) I have missed so many people! And all I can think about is the giant hugs I am gonna give each one of them! (Okay okay... I think about the big juicy In-n-Out burger I will devour as well!) I'm going home! I'm going home! I'm going home!!! I'm too excited for words!!! :-)
P.S. The cord that transfers from my camera to my computer is lost! I have lots of posts but most of them desperately need the accompaniment of pictures! So if worst comes to worse, they will all be posted when I get home! Better late than never! Right? :)
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Long Time... No Post...
Hey-oh!!! It's been a while... quite a while... It's the 2nd of Febuary and I haven't posted since the middle of December! I'm sure many of you are just dying to know what's going on with my little French adventure! Haha JK! This blog is more for personal reasons so I can look back at this blog and remember everything that happened through my writing and pictures... I have kinda been neglecting it! And I have a good explanation :)
As some of you might know, I went home for Christmas! I really kept it on the down low actually... It was nice to hang out with my family and all that!!!...but there was... some issues... which I don't really care to get into details about. Anyways I ended up coming back to France but just not as my usual self! When things go wrong, I blame myself... I really was just kinda depressed for the first few days I was back and even after that passed, I felt like I was just kinda... drifting... Like doing, saying, and being who I thought I should be but inside I felt really disappointed about how a lot of things went down.... I'm sorry if anyone felt ignored. I think I was disappointing those people who really loved and cared about me and trying to please the people that didn't matter as much. I guess with the people I love more emotion is involved and that's the last thing I wanted. I'm just sorry...
Throughout all of this time, I just kinda wanted to go home because I felt like I couldn't continue that way and I just wanted to be happy. I was even look at tickets and figured out that I could be home in a matter of days. Plus when I learned that Marine was most likely coming back in March to stay, that kinda made me want to get home just to even it up. I was worried about school credits. I missed my friends and family. I know this is a great new experience but you miss little things and you get almost jealous of those home just having a completely normal Junior year while mine felt complicaed and kinda sad according to the whole past month... And that leads me up to now...
I have been so happy the past few days :) It all started with Monday. I was feeling pretty sad all day. I got home and decided I needed to change my attitude. I listened to some happy songs :-) And I started focusing on what I like about those close to me and I told them. That got me feeling so much better. I decided I was gonna make whatever amends possible to fix the relationships I had damaged... Then... I get a Skype call from my dad. He had talked with my school counselor because my credits were just crazy. Essentially, my dad told me I had to come home as soon as possible, get enrolled in school, and start making up for lost credits or else I wouldn't get into a university or get any scholarships... This hit me hard. Anyone who knows me knows that school is a big deal to me. I was so grateful to be here but if being here the entire year meant I would end up in community college, I would be on a plane in a second. Okay before you get any ideas... Nope I'm still in France :)
Like I said before I was thinking about going back, so this seemed like the perfect out right??? Not just yet... I like having my options... Yes, I had the choice... But it's like when you are little, your parents tell you that you have the choice to do your chores but if you didn't, you couldn't watch tv. Okay so pretty much choice made... Technically speaking, sure you have the choice but when the repercussions are solid like that, I don't feel like I do...
Anyways, I wanted to have my options. So I was coming up with ideas that would make it so I was able to stay to the end like online classes or doubling up on courses my Senior year. My dad pretty much shut down all of them. "With you taking that many AP classes Senior year, you will be grouchy and the family wouldn't want to deal with that" Okay... So he's not cared for my stress level with taking that many credits. He's cared about how it affects the family/ him. I think my dad went to the counselor already with the mindset "What can she do if she comes backs right now?" so of course the counselor jumps into that with credit recovery etc...
I have never doubted that I was going for a scholastic diploma. I'm not shooting for the top here but like I said, I want options. I'm smart enough so I knew I could handle the challenge. I was number 2 in my sophomore class. I like school... Okay I know you are totally thinking "Nerd"! It's true!!! :) Haha but I didn't want all my hard work just to end up in community college... I'm not trying to bash on CC. It is a great plan for some. I have 4 older siblings... 3 of them started at a CC and the other went to a university but only for a short time so I saw the benefits: being able to live at home, flexibility, cheap, they accept EVERYONE(seriously I could do practically nothing in HS and get in), being able to work simultaneously, and overall just easier. But this is NOT my goal. My dream has always been a university straight out of High School! My dad was also trying to convince me out of this saying they try to weed you out, it's too expensive. I brought up financial aid and then he went into a long explanation why I can't get that until 3 yrs into college plus the expense of living etc... He then told me I had to basically work my butt off if I wanted that. My thought process at this time: 'So I should go home to get into a university but even if I make that big sacrifice, my dreams will still evenutally be crushed.'
I was just having visions of me packing, saying goodbye to these people I love so much, forgetting french, regretting coming home when there is other options. I just felt like I was qutting... I felt defeated... I was sad... Under normal circumstances, I would have railed on my dad for this but like I said, I was in a good mood and I wanted to improve relationships (the one with my dad could use the most TLC) so while I was tearing up I kindly thanked my dad for trying to help and I would think about and get back to him....
That's when the waterworks hit. I hadn't cried like that in who knows when? Forever! Normally, I would just stay in my room crying and feeling sorry for myself and if I get caught, make up some stupid excuse... I've done that before. But this time, I went straight to the Ashtons. Stasha gave me a big hug and I was trying to get a hold of myself. I finally got out what was wrong. She kinda laughed because well... at first glance, it looked like I was crying about school.
I explained to her everything that happened. Basically, she told me the truth about everything. I can go to whatever school I want. I can get financial aid. I don't have to leave. I only need 9 and a half credits. We looked into maybe get some to transfer and the possibility of taking AP classes. We sent an email to my counselor taking the situation into my own hands. We told her my REAL goals: staying the entire year but have my credits more figured out and keeping my GPA high.
Stasha really calmed me down. I really haven't "broken-down" many times and I know it's hard when you don't know exactly what that person needs to be comforted but they did well :) I am new to the college school system so I believed a lot of what my dad said but it's nice having other adults who can also can you some facts to balance the others you hear. My dad's knowledge isn't perfect so I couldn't take everything that he had to say as the truth.
I even asked if I take normal, non-Honors, non-weighted junior year online English and Math would that drop my GPA? For my school yes so my ranking would go down but the universities unweight it so basically no big deal :) I would prefer to have AP or honors but essentially that's no biggy! I think me staying the entire year would do more for my college application than a good ranking... Plus how would it look if I backed out just cuz I got a tad bit scared... I knew this was hard coming in and it would mess me up. It doesn't help that I'm already a transfer student. I've gone to a different school so far each year in my high school career. Oh crazy!
We all really had no idea why my dad would said that untrue stuff... I get kinda scared about expressing my opinion and feelings on this but this is my blog and I have the freedom to say it. He really was just trying to get me to go to Community College or BYU... And I believe he thinks that if I don't, I wouldn't be under his control. This just felt munipulative to me. He didn't have my best interests at heart. For some reason, he wanted me to come home and stay there for a while going to a CC. He didn't even care when I started crying or got upset. I've heard the excuse for that is he is just a guy but he just seemed like that was the reaction he was looking for... It hurts... I felt like the only thing I was trying to do was live my life and get a little bit of space. My mom is always saying I'll regret wanting to leave so soon. I've never been shy in voicing my thoughts on the subject. I think that might hurt her feelings becuase I think they prefer to think I'll be there for a few more years as most of my older siblings have done. But I'm different... I don't think I need to... It's not like it's a terrible environment but I want to grow and have my own experience... And I felt like my dad killed any hope of that every happening and I would be stuck there for a while...
But I had family who helped me see through that! They encouraged me and help me coming back ten fold! I have been talking with Stasha a lot. I was really unsure of where I wanted to go in life. It's always always always been 3 options: chef, professor, or doctor. I was interested in all of them but my number one passion is being a doctor. I want to have a family so I felt like I always put this on the back burner because frankly, those two are hard to balance so I was willing to settle. Stasha really inspired me and showed me that I could... I had more ambition than just getting married and I couldn't trade one dream for the other. If it really is my passion, I need to go for it!!! Her brother is a neurosurgeon so she could tell me about some of the experiences her brother went through. She helped me research. On aptitude tests, I always got medical. People always tell me they totally see me a doctor. And it truly is my passion. It's not about the money or any of that. It's what I love. My dream of being a doctor got completely rekindled with fury!!!
Especially after what just happened with my dad, I was feeling so much more on top. Him saying it was impossible just made me want to prove him wrong even more. I am gonna go to a good university after HS and I am gonna be a doctor! I decide my own path. Of course, it's harder with out his support and just that path in general is more difficult but I'm so up for the challenge. I am strong! And once I know where I'm going, I will work for it full heartedly! I feel so invigoriated know exactly here I want go :-) I feel more collected!
Another passion of mine is definetely staying in France until the end. My credits will be fine and being here a full year will make me so much more appealing rather than having a more figured out transcript! It'll be a little messy and difficult but so worth it! If I go back to AZ, I would so regret it. I know what's there. On the weekends I would hang out with friends. I would drive. I would be with my family. I would go to school. I miss those moments but they are normal reptitive and common. Just last weekend I went to Italy and Monaco! What an amazing experience! I'm still learning French! Plus there is still so much more to see... Stasha was planning the girl's trip to London we'll be taking in March but they were joking around "Oh no! You'll be in AZ!" I love my family to death but I have family here too :)This is my home... Not my only home but it really is home! Recently, Pascaline and Nicolas told me that I can come back here whenever I need to. I don't even have to tell them I'm coming! That just made me feel like I truly am a part of this family... Not just temporary... A girl who comes for a year, we have some laughs with, and then splits... Not it's more long term! They are always quick to remind me that I'm like their daughter... That just means the world to me! So if it works out... I wanna stay just those few more months. I can handle it!
I know my family really wants me to come back but I have to do this for me... I'm old enough to where I can truly make these decisions and hope that my family will respect them and support me. I know it hasn't been easy but I'm so grateful for the sacrifice everyone has made just for me! This opporunity is rare for kids my age. I feel like there is still so much more I need to experience. It's hard cuz I take the opinion of my mom seriously because we are so close. I know she'll understand. I love my mom so much! I could go on and on about how amazing she is and I know she will allow me to do whatever I wish. As hard as this experience is, essentially I wouldn't be going home for me. It would be for others. I know my sister has been in one of her more rebel stages and I feel like I'm not there to support her. But... She's not my responsibility. I don't want to sound selfish but she will make her own decisions and just my mere presence there will not change that. I love her to death and it hurts me to see her like that but I can't go home for that.
I'm figuring out how to be happy. For a while I thought me getting back to happy would take going back home but do you know what? It's all up to me... No matter where I am... I can make it happen! There are for surely some changes that need to be made but now I feel so grounded. I have a clear goal in sight and it gives me something everyday to fight for knowing one day I will achieve it! I'm just kinda savoring my bliss! Read the quote under my blog title. That's from a song called "Self-Portrait" by Stephanie Smith. If you get a chance, look it up. My friend, Ashlee, made a mix CD and put that on and said it was my theme song. That has never been more true than it is now! I have wanted to go to France since forever and I made that happen! The opportunity came and I jumped on it! Even when so many people said I was crazy or that's impossible. I think I kinda forgot about that girl... But I found her! I let fear take the place of my confidence in who I am and where I'm going!
This new sense of happiness did inspire me to get back into blogging so I can share this new found me. I have past posts just sitting there waiting to be finished, tweeked, and posted. I'll let you know as I get them up but as of right now, I'm kinda starting fresh and I'll keep you updated! I'm sorry this was so long but thanks for making it all the way!!! :)
Stay tuned....
As some of you might know, I went home for Christmas! I really kept it on the down low actually... It was nice to hang out with my family and all that!!!...but there was... some issues... which I don't really care to get into details about. Anyways I ended up coming back to France but just not as my usual self! When things go wrong, I blame myself... I really was just kinda depressed for the first few days I was back and even after that passed, I felt like I was just kinda... drifting... Like doing, saying, and being who I thought I should be but inside I felt really disappointed about how a lot of things went down.... I'm sorry if anyone felt ignored. I think I was disappointing those people who really loved and cared about me and trying to please the people that didn't matter as much. I guess with the people I love more emotion is involved and that's the last thing I wanted. I'm just sorry...
Throughout all of this time, I just kinda wanted to go home because I felt like I couldn't continue that way and I just wanted to be happy. I was even look at tickets and figured out that I could be home in a matter of days. Plus when I learned that Marine was most likely coming back in March to stay, that kinda made me want to get home just to even it up. I was worried about school credits. I missed my friends and family. I know this is a great new experience but you miss little things and you get almost jealous of those home just having a completely normal Junior year while mine felt complicaed and kinda sad according to the whole past month... And that leads me up to now...
I have been so happy the past few days :) It all started with Monday. I was feeling pretty sad all day. I got home and decided I needed to change my attitude. I listened to some happy songs :-) And I started focusing on what I like about those close to me and I told them. That got me feeling so much better. I decided I was gonna make whatever amends possible to fix the relationships I had damaged... Then... I get a Skype call from my dad. He had talked with my school counselor because my credits were just crazy. Essentially, my dad told me I had to come home as soon as possible, get enrolled in school, and start making up for lost credits or else I wouldn't get into a university or get any scholarships... This hit me hard. Anyone who knows me knows that school is a big deal to me. I was so grateful to be here but if being here the entire year meant I would end up in community college, I would be on a plane in a second. Okay before you get any ideas... Nope I'm still in France :)
Like I said before I was thinking about going back, so this seemed like the perfect out right??? Not just yet... I like having my options... Yes, I had the choice... But it's like when you are little, your parents tell you that you have the choice to do your chores but if you didn't, you couldn't watch tv. Okay so pretty much choice made... Technically speaking, sure you have the choice but when the repercussions are solid like that, I don't feel like I do...
Anyways, I wanted to have my options. So I was coming up with ideas that would make it so I was able to stay to the end like online classes or doubling up on courses my Senior year. My dad pretty much shut down all of them. "With you taking that many AP classes Senior year, you will be grouchy and the family wouldn't want to deal with that" Okay... So he's not cared for my stress level with taking that many credits. He's cared about how it affects the family/ him. I think my dad went to the counselor already with the mindset "What can she do if she comes backs right now?" so of course the counselor jumps into that with credit recovery etc...
I have never doubted that I was going for a scholastic diploma. I'm not shooting for the top here but like I said, I want options. I'm smart enough so I knew I could handle the challenge. I was number 2 in my sophomore class. I like school... Okay I know you are totally thinking "Nerd"! It's true!!! :) Haha but I didn't want all my hard work just to end up in community college... I'm not trying to bash on CC. It is a great plan for some. I have 4 older siblings... 3 of them started at a CC and the other went to a university but only for a short time so I saw the benefits: being able to live at home, flexibility, cheap, they accept EVERYONE(seriously I could do practically nothing in HS and get in), being able to work simultaneously, and overall just easier. But this is NOT my goal. My dream has always been a university straight out of High School! My dad was also trying to convince me out of this saying they try to weed you out, it's too expensive. I brought up financial aid and then he went into a long explanation why I can't get that until 3 yrs into college plus the expense of living etc... He then told me I had to basically work my butt off if I wanted that. My thought process at this time: 'So I should go home to get into a university but even if I make that big sacrifice, my dreams will still evenutally be crushed.'
I was just having visions of me packing, saying goodbye to these people I love so much, forgetting french, regretting coming home when there is other options. I just felt like I was qutting... I felt defeated... I was sad... Under normal circumstances, I would have railed on my dad for this but like I said, I was in a good mood and I wanted to improve relationships (the one with my dad could use the most TLC) so while I was tearing up I kindly thanked my dad for trying to help and I would think about and get back to him....
That's when the waterworks hit. I hadn't cried like that in who knows when? Forever! Normally, I would just stay in my room crying and feeling sorry for myself and if I get caught, make up some stupid excuse... I've done that before. But this time, I went straight to the Ashtons. Stasha gave me a big hug and I was trying to get a hold of myself. I finally got out what was wrong. She kinda laughed because well... at first glance, it looked like I was crying about school.
I explained to her everything that happened. Basically, she told me the truth about everything. I can go to whatever school I want. I can get financial aid. I don't have to leave. I only need 9 and a half credits. We looked into maybe get some to transfer and the possibility of taking AP classes. We sent an email to my counselor taking the situation into my own hands. We told her my REAL goals: staying the entire year but have my credits more figured out and keeping my GPA high.
Stasha really calmed me down. I really haven't "broken-down" many times and I know it's hard when you don't know exactly what that person needs to be comforted but they did well :) I am new to the college school system so I believed a lot of what my dad said but it's nice having other adults who can also can you some facts to balance the others you hear. My dad's knowledge isn't perfect so I couldn't take everything that he had to say as the truth.
I even asked if I take normal, non-Honors, non-weighted junior year online English and Math would that drop my GPA? For my school yes so my ranking would go down but the universities unweight it so basically no big deal :) I would prefer to have AP or honors but essentially that's no biggy! I think me staying the entire year would do more for my college application than a good ranking... Plus how would it look if I backed out just cuz I got a tad bit scared... I knew this was hard coming in and it would mess me up. It doesn't help that I'm already a transfer student. I've gone to a different school so far each year in my high school career. Oh crazy!
We all really had no idea why my dad would said that untrue stuff... I get kinda scared about expressing my opinion and feelings on this but this is my blog and I have the freedom to say it. He really was just trying to get me to go to Community College or BYU... And I believe he thinks that if I don't, I wouldn't be under his control. This just felt munipulative to me. He didn't have my best interests at heart. For some reason, he wanted me to come home and stay there for a while going to a CC. He didn't even care when I started crying or got upset. I've heard the excuse for that is he is just a guy but he just seemed like that was the reaction he was looking for... It hurts... I felt like the only thing I was trying to do was live my life and get a little bit of space. My mom is always saying I'll regret wanting to leave so soon. I've never been shy in voicing my thoughts on the subject. I think that might hurt her feelings becuase I think they prefer to think I'll be there for a few more years as most of my older siblings have done. But I'm different... I don't think I need to... It's not like it's a terrible environment but I want to grow and have my own experience... And I felt like my dad killed any hope of that every happening and I would be stuck there for a while...
But I had family who helped me see through that! They encouraged me and help me coming back ten fold! I have been talking with Stasha a lot. I was really unsure of where I wanted to go in life. It's always always always been 3 options: chef, professor, or doctor. I was interested in all of them but my number one passion is being a doctor. I want to have a family so I felt like I always put this on the back burner because frankly, those two are hard to balance so I was willing to settle. Stasha really inspired me and showed me that I could... I had more ambition than just getting married and I couldn't trade one dream for the other. If it really is my passion, I need to go for it!!! Her brother is a neurosurgeon so she could tell me about some of the experiences her brother went through. She helped me research. On aptitude tests, I always got medical. People always tell me they totally see me a doctor. And it truly is my passion. It's not about the money or any of that. It's what I love. My dream of being a doctor got completely rekindled with fury!!!
Especially after what just happened with my dad, I was feeling so much more on top. Him saying it was impossible just made me want to prove him wrong even more. I am gonna go to a good university after HS and I am gonna be a doctor! I decide my own path. Of course, it's harder with out his support and just that path in general is more difficult but I'm so up for the challenge. I am strong! And once I know where I'm going, I will work for it full heartedly! I feel so invigoriated know exactly here I want go :-) I feel more collected!
Another passion of mine is definetely staying in France until the end. My credits will be fine and being here a full year will make me so much more appealing rather than having a more figured out transcript! It'll be a little messy and difficult but so worth it! If I go back to AZ, I would so regret it. I know what's there. On the weekends I would hang out with friends. I would drive. I would be with my family. I would go to school. I miss those moments but they are normal reptitive and common. Just last weekend I went to Italy and Monaco! What an amazing experience! I'm still learning French! Plus there is still so much more to see... Stasha was planning the girl's trip to London we'll be taking in March but they were joking around "Oh no! You'll be in AZ!" I love my family to death but I have family here too :)This is my home... Not my only home but it really is home! Recently, Pascaline and Nicolas told me that I can come back here whenever I need to. I don't even have to tell them I'm coming! That just made me feel like I truly am a part of this family... Not just temporary... A girl who comes for a year, we have some laughs with, and then splits... Not it's more long term! They are always quick to remind me that I'm like their daughter... That just means the world to me! So if it works out... I wanna stay just those few more months. I can handle it!
I know my family really wants me to come back but I have to do this for me... I'm old enough to where I can truly make these decisions and hope that my family will respect them and support me. I know it hasn't been easy but I'm so grateful for the sacrifice everyone has made just for me! This opporunity is rare for kids my age. I feel like there is still so much more I need to experience. It's hard cuz I take the opinion of my mom seriously because we are so close. I know she'll understand. I love my mom so much! I could go on and on about how amazing she is and I know she will allow me to do whatever I wish. As hard as this experience is, essentially I wouldn't be going home for me. It would be for others. I know my sister has been in one of her more rebel stages and I feel like I'm not there to support her. But... She's not my responsibility. I don't want to sound selfish but she will make her own decisions and just my mere presence there will not change that. I love her to death and it hurts me to see her like that but I can't go home for that.
I'm figuring out how to be happy. For a while I thought me getting back to happy would take going back home but do you know what? It's all up to me... No matter where I am... I can make it happen! There are for surely some changes that need to be made but now I feel so grounded. I have a clear goal in sight and it gives me something everyday to fight for knowing one day I will achieve it! I'm just kinda savoring my bliss! Read the quote under my blog title. That's from a song called "Self-Portrait" by Stephanie Smith. If you get a chance, look it up. My friend, Ashlee, made a mix CD and put that on and said it was my theme song. That has never been more true than it is now! I have wanted to go to France since forever and I made that happen! The opportunity came and I jumped on it! Even when so many people said I was crazy or that's impossible. I think I kinda forgot about that girl... But I found her! I let fear take the place of my confidence in who I am and where I'm going!
This new sense of happiness did inspire me to get back into blogging so I can share this new found me. I have past posts just sitting there waiting to be finished, tweeked, and posted. I'll let you know as I get them up but as of right now, I'm kinda starting fresh and I'll keep you updated! I'm sorry this was so long but thanks for making it all the way!!! :)
Stay tuned....
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
As Belgian As French Fries!
So a new development, I have started to think in French! Kinda bizarre right? I'll be thinking in French but if I get to a word I don't know, I'll just think the English and then continue on in French! Haha and in my head, my accent sounds just like all the people I hear everyday! Haha if only I can convert that to my real life speaking!
I told my friend, Ashlee, this and her first response: "No Alyssa! You can't get that French! Stop it right now"
Me: "Too late! I'm too far gone! I'm as French as French Fries which actually isn't saying a lot cuz French Fries are actually Belgian!"
Ashlee: "Okay then that makes you as Belgian as French Fries!!!"
Me: "What the heck? I've never even been to Belgium! I don't even care about them! What have the Belgians ever done?"
I love Ashlee and her completely irrevelant comments! :)
But seriously Ashlee is awesome cuz she sent me a package for my b-day with a mix CD(each with a little explanation of the meaning of the song), Pride and Prejudice DVD(our movie!), and candy (Skittles, Starbursts, and Nerds cuz I'm a nerd as Ash put it!)
I told my friend, Ashlee, this and her first response: "No Alyssa! You can't get that French! Stop it right now"
Me: "Too late! I'm too far gone! I'm as French as French Fries which actually isn't saying a lot cuz French Fries are actually Belgian!"
Ashlee: "Okay then that makes you as Belgian as French Fries!!!"
Me: "What the heck? I've never even been to Belgium! I don't even care about them! What have the Belgians ever done?"
I love Ashlee and her completely irrevelant comments! :)
But seriously Ashlee is awesome cuz she sent me a package for my b-day with a mix CD(each with a little explanation of the meaning of the song), Pride and Prejudice DVD(our movie!), and candy (Skittles, Starbursts, and Nerds cuz I'm a nerd as Ash put it!)
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving/Birthday
I can't even begin to tell you how terrified I was for this day... Seeing as this holiday is non-existent in France (Haha but it's hilarious the number of people who have asked me "Do they have Thanksgiving in France?") and it's just like any other normal day... I thought it would be me just drifting through the day as I thought of my family traditions and classic Thanksgiving I would be doing back home. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and just skipping it would be too sad :( I was also thinking that with my birthday on top of that I would get major homesickness! I didn't even care about my birthday the few weeks leading up to which is so unlike me! I have a big 25 Day Countdown starting the beginning of November! And well... No one forgots my birthday let's just say! But this year... Anytime it was brought up I would just be like "No!!" and I got really sad when there was ever a lot of attention on it. I just wanted to skip it...
So for the first time in my life, I was wrong! I know... I know... It finally happened but I had a good run :-) It was such a great day!!! One of my best by far! Who knew? One of the days I was most terrified ended up being a memory-filled, amazing day!
Thursdays I have PE for 2 hrs in the morning but I got to skip that and sleep in! Many people told me I had to look especially cute on my birthday (My reply-"So I don't look cute every other day???" Haha) so I got up and gave it my best effort! Everyone is all fashion-y at school and I'm about the epitome of comfy clothing! Yeah for T-shirts! But that day I got some compliments so I considered it a success! I had a Hot Fudge Sundae PopTart for breakfast! My mom sent them from America and I've been rationing them but this day definetly called for some thing special! Then I took the bus to school and I made sure to only listen to happy upbeat songs! :-)
Everyone was really nice wishing me Happy Birthday and I would just respond wishing them a Happy Thanksgiving! Even though they don't understand the importance of the holiday! I had kinda confused some people because I said on FB "My birthday is February 29th!" just because it only happens on leap yrs so I would only be 4 yrs old and I could also skip it this year but it really is Nov 25th. So when I got there, they were like "Is it really today?" Haha!
Then I had English class... So my teacher had found out it was my birthday/Thanksgiving so she started planning this big party with food and music! Everyone loved it because it's better than work but I didn't like being the reason for it so I just considered it a Thanksgiving party even though there was a "Happy Birthday" banner. Haha so the very first thing she makes me do is get up in the very front of the class room and then she had this girl who sings opera sing the Happy B-Day song and then the whole class did it normal! If that wasn't embarrassing enough, the teacher made me tell my "thoughts" about having a birthday! This is all I had to say: "Thank you... Uhh... It doesn't feel any different than 16... Umm... I don't know... I'm just glad it's Thanksgiving"!
Haha after it was better because it was just food, eating, people singing and playing instruments. There actually were some really talented people in there! The teacher asked me if I could sing! No stinkin way! I am more of an appreciator of music! The food was pretty good. There were some odd things that I couldn't eat. Someone, the teacher I believe, had attempted to make a pumpkin pie but it kinda turned into a sorry excuse for a dessert but hey... she tryed... I made sure as to not eat a lot so I could prepare myself for dinner! As I was leaving, she gave me a big hug and said "You are so beautiful and so bright and I like you very much"! Haha I kinda noticed... You threw a huge party in my honor. Amel was like "She's got a crush on you!" Haha creepy!
Then I went to Math class! We had a test that day which I thought was so unfair considering it was my birthday! But I took it and it was really easy! I actually liked getting into "math mode"! I know... I am a nerd but when I am confused or lost, it is just something logical that I can do... well when it's in English! Haha it's easy math but a lot of the time, I am not sure if I am exactly answering the right question. Plus we have to write out the answer in sentences which of course is a challenge for me!
I skipped French that day and just took the bus home at 12:30. The weirdest thing happened... I was crossing the street at the Val de Mougins and I had my iPod in... And after I had crossed this guy on the other side yelled at me saying "You shouldn't cross the street listening to music. You can't hear the cars." At least that's what I understood... I was just like shaking my head and saying "OK.Oui." just trying to get out of there. And then he's like "You want a drink? I'll buy you a drink? We got wine, beer, blah blah blah." I was just like "Non merci"... Haha weird much???
When I got to the house, this was on the fence...
I was in the kitchen for pretty much the rest of the day!
I also helped blow up some balloons! We decorated the salon with a bunch of Happy Birthday stuff and it made me so happy! Haha :-) Sophie had a good quote right about here: "I have teenage hormones. Abby said that teenage hormones make you yell at everyone all the time and I yell at everyone all the time so I have teenage hormones!" Haha she is too funny!!!
Stasha was so awesome! She had gotten all the stuff to make a great dinner and she rocked it! I had fun talking to her and just hanging out. Amel came over at like 4 and she helped cook...
Amel liked making the rolls...
Yummy rolls!
Stasha with the pureed pumpkin which looks gross but would turn into something amazing!!
I was jumping up and down with excitement and just generally freaking out! I was just so happy to be having any Thanksgiving even if it wasn't exactly "American"! I was allowed to speak English all day so I totally took advantage of that. I was quite the chatter box! :)
At about 6:30, we celebrated my birthday! I had to wait in my room for about 5 minutes. All the lights were off and I waited at the top of the stairs and they started singing Happy Birthday and I went down... My family was all on Skype (minus Josh playing Turkey Bowl and Nate who is in CA but JerKee had come from Cali). The candles were all lit. It was so amazing!
I blew out the candles and made my wish!
This cake was so gorgeous!!! Pascaline had gotten it from this really nice bakery called "Jean-Luc Pele"! It was chocolate rasberry with macaroons! The kids had eaten most of the macaroons before I ever got to it but I did get to eat the thing that says "Joyeux Anniversaire Alyssa" which was like this almond fondante. I just know even the b-day cake I had when I was little with a real barbie inside and the cake was her dress could not even top this amazing cake!
Because we had a big Thanksgiving dinner and pumpkin pie to prepare for, we didn't really eat any cake... But that was good cuz it made for good leftovers!
Read my ginormous French birthday card!
By the way the writing on the card means "For your birthday, we are all at your side"
Then I opened my presents...
I had picked out my presents at the mall the Saturday before so I knew exactly what I was getting. My red jacket and the brown cozy sweater! Gotta prep myself for winter!
All the chil'en watching...
It was such a special occassion we even had Champomy which is fizzy apple juice/ Martinelli's!
And then there was just a box from my parents...
I opened the box and there was a bunch of styrofoam and I put my hand and I start feeling around and I find the card. I was like "Where's the thing???" Haha so I just opened the card...
and my presents was inside... I'm smiling cuz I'm almost starting to figure it out...
Ane then it really hits me...ATICKET HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!!! Oh my gosh!!!! You can not believe how excited I was! I starting jumping up and down!
I was getting hugs! And I even started crying! Joyful tears of course... My family is terrible at surprises! They always blow it before but they had done it! I found out that all the adults here had been on it!
To make it even more crazy, I had been talking to my mom about buying my own ticket home... She had gone along with the whole thing. Just earlier that afternoon, I was talking to Stasha about that and she thought I knew about the surprise. I hadn't asked my mom for anything so I asked her what I got she me, she just said "Moms have a way of knowing what you need"... That's when my hopes of getting a ticket were shattered. I don't need a ticket. I want a ticket. I thought it would be socks or something! Haha my sister even played her role well! She texted me "Can Jess use your snowboard?" I was just thinking "I need it!" There were so many things that seemed normal at the time but now all make perfect sense...
I was still in shock hours after! I was smiling ear to ear and questioning everyone! "You knew??? The whole time???" They had known for so long! Haha so when I was sad and crying, I am sure they all just wanted to tell me but they stuck to it. They always made sure to check the mail before me! Haha it ended up being the greatest most amazing surprise I could ask for!!!
Amel couldn't stay for very long because her step-dad was being a jerk so she had Thanksgiving to-go! Haha :-) It was funny seeing her reaction to pumpkin pie! "It's so weird!" I think the taste and texture are just unfamiliar to her. I went to take her home and I got out to give her a hug and Nicolas got out and was like "There you go in the front" "What??? Drive??? No! I can't!!! Its''s too scary!" But he was completely serious, so I got in the driver's seat of the Mercedes seat, adjusted my seat, and I was driving for the first time in months! I told Amel "If I die tonight, you'll know why!" Haha it was so scary! The roads are smaller and there is more manuevering involved but we made it back to the house with minimal damage done to people and the car. I asked if it was legal and Nicolas was like "Uhh... I don't know" Haha but I guess it's no big deal! I have my license in the US but I did't know if it worked here. Total adrenaline rush! And it felt really good to drive after so long!
I was supposed to eat with the kids but they were all done by the time I got back and there ain't no way I was gonna eat Thanksgiving dinner by myself so I ate with the adults! We all went around and sad what we were grateful for and do you know what? I have so much to be grateful! I could go on and on... But the things that have recently been huge in my life is my family who love me so much and made it an absolutely amazing day! I don't think I stopped smiling the whole time! Friends can come and go but family is always there and that's really who was all there... My family :-) That family being... my real family in Arizona, my extended family: the Ashtons, and the people that become your family: the Hussons aka my French family!
Then we ate! Turkey that was so juicy! They don't have frozen turkeys here so ours was fresly killed! And I thinked that made it so amazing! Green beans as Dave put it were "like candy"! Haha fancy apple juice called Champomy which is just like Martinelli's! Delicious rolls! And the oh so amazing pumpkin pie! They don't have canned pumpkin here so we had to actually had to cook pumpkin to make it mushy and then puree it. I think that made it so good especially with whipped topping! It was like heaven! I think just eating something so American made me really happy!!! :-) Here's one before we cooked it...
I was totally stuffed! It was all good! It wasn't the same American get-up but that was no big deal! We all kicked Thanksgving French style this year! :)
Later the kids were making Thanksgiving hand turkeys, I had just turned 17 but oh yes... I really wanted to do it! All the children in my family are all grown up so we don't ever do fun holiday crafts like that! My hands were of course bigger than all of theirs but I thought it was so fun! I get all sentimental about memory moments like that! This is how it turned out...
This one looks normal...
...this one on the other hand! Haha I'm so big compared to the chil'en!
I was wearing my cute new sweater!
Nicolas was just a tad bit tipsy and he was saying some wacky things! And then... what's new??? He went swimming! The pool was 13C! Later he was like "I payed for the pool. I am gonna use it at least once a month." Apparently he is going on Christmas too! Haha he is so crazy!
After everyone else had gone to bed or left, Nicolas and me were watching music videos and just hanging out. He fell asleep pretty quick and started snoring! Haha I fell asleep too at like midnight. Then I woke up at 3 and went to my bed but didn't fall back asleep until 5. My new sweat did this to my arm... It felt funny...
I tried to get up for school but that was completely impossible! To be honest, after having such a crazy high-energy day, I am surprised I got up before noon! Haha so I didn't make it to any of my classes the next day which I absolutely had no problem with!
I had such a great birthday and Thanksgiving! I had been so worried but I couldn't have asked for a better day! Everyone all pitched in to make it very special for me and I was beyond happy to be going home for Christmas! I still have shocks were I can't believe this is real! :-)
So for the first time in my life, I was wrong! I know... I know... It finally happened but I had a good run :-) It was such a great day!!! One of my best by far! Who knew? One of the days I was most terrified ended up being a memory-filled, amazing day!
Thursdays I have PE for 2 hrs in the morning but I got to skip that and sleep in! Many people told me I had to look especially cute on my birthday (My reply-"So I don't look cute every other day???" Haha) so I got up and gave it my best effort! Everyone is all fashion-y at school and I'm about the epitome of comfy clothing! Yeah for T-shirts! But that day I got some compliments so I considered it a success! I had a Hot Fudge Sundae PopTart for breakfast! My mom sent them from America and I've been rationing them but this day definetly called for some thing special! Then I took the bus to school and I made sure to only listen to happy upbeat songs! :-)
Everyone was really nice wishing me Happy Birthday and I would just respond wishing them a Happy Thanksgiving! Even though they don't understand the importance of the holiday! I had kinda confused some people because I said on FB "My birthday is February 29th!" just because it only happens on leap yrs so I would only be 4 yrs old and I could also skip it this year but it really is Nov 25th. So when I got there, they were like "Is it really today?" Haha!
Then I had English class... So my teacher had found out it was my birthday/Thanksgiving so she started planning this big party with food and music! Everyone loved it because it's better than work but I didn't like being the reason for it so I just considered it a Thanksgiving party even though there was a "Happy Birthday" banner. Haha so the very first thing she makes me do is get up in the very front of the class room and then she had this girl who sings opera sing the Happy B-Day song and then the whole class did it normal! If that wasn't embarrassing enough, the teacher made me tell my "thoughts" about having a birthday! This is all I had to say: "Thank you... Uhh... It doesn't feel any different than 16... Umm... I don't know... I'm just glad it's Thanksgiving"!
Haha after it was better because it was just food, eating, people singing and playing instruments. There actually were some really talented people in there! The teacher asked me if I could sing! No stinkin way! I am more of an appreciator of music! The food was pretty good. There were some odd things that I couldn't eat. Someone, the teacher I believe, had attempted to make a pumpkin pie but it kinda turned into a sorry excuse for a dessert but hey... she tryed... I made sure as to not eat a lot so I could prepare myself for dinner! As I was leaving, she gave me a big hug and said "You are so beautiful and so bright and I like you very much"! Haha I kinda noticed... You threw a huge party in my honor. Amel was like "She's got a crush on you!" Haha creepy!
Then I went to Math class! We had a test that day which I thought was so unfair considering it was my birthday! But I took it and it was really easy! I actually liked getting into "math mode"! I know... I am a nerd but when I am confused or lost, it is just something logical that I can do... well when it's in English! Haha it's easy math but a lot of the time, I am not sure if I am exactly answering the right question. Plus we have to write out the answer in sentences which of course is a challenge for me!
I skipped French that day and just took the bus home at 12:30. The weirdest thing happened... I was crossing the street at the Val de Mougins and I had my iPod in... And after I had crossed this guy on the other side yelled at me saying "You shouldn't cross the street listening to music. You can't hear the cars." At least that's what I understood... I was just like shaking my head and saying "OK.Oui." just trying to get out of there. And then he's like "You want a drink? I'll buy you a drink? We got wine, beer, blah blah blah." I was just like "Non merci"... Haha weird much???
When I got to the house, this was on the fence...
I was in the kitchen for pretty much the rest of the day!
I also helped blow up some balloons! We decorated the salon with a bunch of Happy Birthday stuff and it made me so happy! Haha :-) Sophie had a good quote right about here: "I have teenage hormones. Abby said that teenage hormones make you yell at everyone all the time and I yell at everyone all the time so I have teenage hormones!" Haha she is too funny!!!
Stasha was so awesome! She had gotten all the stuff to make a great dinner and she rocked it! I had fun talking to her and just hanging out. Amel came over at like 4 and she helped cook...
Amel liked making the rolls...
Yummy rolls!
Stasha with the pureed pumpkin which looks gross but would turn into something amazing!!
I was jumping up and down with excitement and just generally freaking out! I was just so happy to be having any Thanksgiving even if it wasn't exactly "American"! I was allowed to speak English all day so I totally took advantage of that. I was quite the chatter box! :)
At about 6:30, we celebrated my birthday! I had to wait in my room for about 5 minutes. All the lights were off and I waited at the top of the stairs and they started singing Happy Birthday and I went down... My family was all on Skype (minus Josh playing Turkey Bowl and Nate who is in CA but JerKee had come from Cali). The candles were all lit. It was so amazing!
I blew out the candles and made my wish!
This cake was so gorgeous!!! Pascaline had gotten it from this really nice bakery called "Jean-Luc Pele"! It was chocolate rasberry with macaroons! The kids had eaten most of the macaroons before I ever got to it but I did get to eat the thing that says "Joyeux Anniversaire Alyssa" which was like this almond fondante. I just know even the b-day cake I had when I was little with a real barbie inside and the cake was her dress could not even top this amazing cake!
Because we had a big Thanksgiving dinner and pumpkin pie to prepare for, we didn't really eat any cake... But that was good cuz it made for good leftovers!
Read my ginormous French birthday card!
By the way the writing on the card means "For your birthday, we are all at your side"
Then I opened my presents...
I had picked out my presents at the mall the Saturday before so I knew exactly what I was getting. My red jacket and the brown cozy sweater! Gotta prep myself for winter!
All the chil'en watching...
It was such a special occassion we even had Champomy which is fizzy apple juice/ Martinelli's!
And then there was just a box from my parents...
I opened the box and there was a bunch of styrofoam and I put my hand and I start feeling around and I find the card. I was like "Where's the thing???" Haha so I just opened the card...
and my presents was inside... I'm smiling cuz I'm almost starting to figure it out...
Ane then it really hits me...ATICKET HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!!! Oh my gosh!!!! You can not believe how excited I was! I starting jumping up and down!
I was getting hugs! And I even started crying! Joyful tears of course... My family is terrible at surprises! They always blow it before but they had done it! I found out that all the adults here had been on it!
To make it even more crazy, I had been talking to my mom about buying my own ticket home... She had gone along with the whole thing. Just earlier that afternoon, I was talking to Stasha about that and she thought I knew about the surprise. I hadn't asked my mom for anything so I asked her what I got she me, she just said "Moms have a way of knowing what you need"... That's when my hopes of getting a ticket were shattered. I don't need a ticket. I want a ticket. I thought it would be socks or something! Haha my sister even played her role well! She texted me "Can Jess use your snowboard?" I was just thinking "I need it!" There were so many things that seemed normal at the time but now all make perfect sense...
I was still in shock hours after! I was smiling ear to ear and questioning everyone! "You knew??? The whole time???" They had known for so long! Haha so when I was sad and crying, I am sure they all just wanted to tell me but they stuck to it. They always made sure to check the mail before me! Haha it ended up being the greatest most amazing surprise I could ask for!!!
Amel couldn't stay for very long because her step-dad was being a jerk so she had Thanksgiving to-go! Haha :-) It was funny seeing her reaction to pumpkin pie! "It's so weird!" I think the taste and texture are just unfamiliar to her. I went to take her home and I got out to give her a hug and Nicolas got out and was like "There you go in the front" "What??? Drive??? No! I can't!!! Its''s too scary!" But he was completely serious, so I got in the driver's seat of the Mercedes seat, adjusted my seat, and I was driving for the first time in months! I told Amel "If I die tonight, you'll know why!" Haha it was so scary! The roads are smaller and there is more manuevering involved but we made it back to the house with minimal damage done to people and the car. I asked if it was legal and Nicolas was like "Uhh... I don't know" Haha but I guess it's no big deal! I have my license in the US but I did't know if it worked here. Total adrenaline rush! And it felt really good to drive after so long!
I was supposed to eat with the kids but they were all done by the time I got back and there ain't no way I was gonna eat Thanksgiving dinner by myself so I ate with the adults! We all went around and sad what we were grateful for and do you know what? I have so much to be grateful! I could go on and on... But the things that have recently been huge in my life is my family who love me so much and made it an absolutely amazing day! I don't think I stopped smiling the whole time! Friends can come and go but family is always there and that's really who was all there... My family :-) That family being... my real family in Arizona, my extended family: the Ashtons, and the people that become your family: the Hussons aka my French family!
Then we ate! Turkey that was so juicy! They don't have frozen turkeys here so ours was fresly killed! And I thinked that made it so amazing! Green beans as Dave put it were "like candy"! Haha fancy apple juice called Champomy which is just like Martinelli's! Delicious rolls! And the oh so amazing pumpkin pie! They don't have canned pumpkin here so we had to actually had to cook pumpkin to make it mushy and then puree it. I think that made it so good especially with whipped topping! It was like heaven! I think just eating something so American made me really happy!!! :-) Here's one before we cooked it...
I was totally stuffed! It was all good! It wasn't the same American get-up but that was no big deal! We all kicked Thanksgving French style this year! :)
Later the kids were making Thanksgiving hand turkeys, I had just turned 17 but oh yes... I really wanted to do it! All the children in my family are all grown up so we don't ever do fun holiday crafts like that! My hands were of course bigger than all of theirs but I thought it was so fun! I get all sentimental about memory moments like that! This is how it turned out...
This one looks normal...
...this one on the other hand! Haha I'm so big compared to the chil'en!
I was wearing my cute new sweater!
Nicolas was just a tad bit tipsy and he was saying some wacky things! And then... what's new??? He went swimming! The pool was 13C! Later he was like "I payed for the pool. I am gonna use it at least once a month." Apparently he is going on Christmas too! Haha he is so crazy!
After everyone else had gone to bed or left, Nicolas and me were watching music videos and just hanging out. He fell asleep pretty quick and started snoring! Haha I fell asleep too at like midnight. Then I woke up at 3 and went to my bed but didn't fall back asleep until 5. My new sweat did this to my arm... It felt funny...
I tried to get up for school but that was completely impossible! To be honest, after having such a crazy high-energy day, I am surprised I got up before noon! Haha so I didn't make it to any of my classes the next day which I absolutely had no problem with!
I had such a great birthday and Thanksgiving! I had been so worried but I couldn't have asked for a better day! Everyone all pitched in to make it very special for me and I was beyond happy to be going home for Christmas! I still have shocks were I can't believe this is real! :-)
Month 3 Update
Okay... So I am here without a Visa and you are only allowed to stay 3 months as a visitor! So now I am officially illegal! The French are pretty chill with that so I'm not expecting to get thrown out anytime soon! :-) Finger crossed!
K... I can't lie... This past month has probably been the hardest so far! Starting with Halloween and kinda fluctuating however evident, I have just had a rough time... Mostly because my birthday and Thanksgiving were fast approaching. Those feelings kinda led to homesickness. On top of that, I felt stressed with all the catch-up I'm going to have to do next year and I was just fed up with French school and being "dumb"... At home, I knew there was always some way to figure out something I didn't understand but here it is just a matter of language and communication. I also really don't like the French school system and the teachers. The language is always a struggle. I had issues with some people in the US and France. I don't want to turn this into me complaining about things so I won't get into details. I was just flooded with a lot of worries that kept me up late thinking a lot of times. Quite a few tears were shed for I probably worked myself into a fret for no reason...
I knew having all these feelings are normal and I wouldn't want a little rough patch to send me home for good and trust me I thought of it... But I realize that I am happy here and I know I would be happy and feel more comfortable at home but this is such a great experience and I have grown immensely as a person. I consider here my home as well! But that doesn't stop me from missing my AZ home. I was so close with all my family. Me and my mom were talking about that... A lot of times it has made me feel like I wasn't a "good" teenager because I rarely fought with her. I can't even explain how much I really do miss my friends and family but I know that the people who truly care about me will let me enjoy this experience and be there for me when I come back :-)
French... So right now I am on a "No English" policy! It gets difficult at times but it has helped me a lot! I can ask how to say things in French but other than that, ALL FRENCH! I'm getting more and more used to French. The kids are always laughing at my accent! I can't help it :) and I won't let that stop me from trying! Everyone else thinks it's cute! Haha :-) I never thought I would be anywhere where I had an accent! I'm from AZ for gooness sakes! Not the Deep South! :-)
I understand a lot! Definetely more than I can speak! But I can usually find a way to say how I feel... I do get frustrated but just gotta keep working and looking for the light at the end of the tunnel! Everyday I improve and learn more! French is beautiful and I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn it :-) I am always happy when I have a conversation with someone and they understood everything! Also... I used to ask Amel what words were in French and so now it feels amazingly awesome when she asks me what a word in English is by saying the French and I know right what it is! I have a lot of people around me who are willing to help me learn and correct me when needed which may be more than I would like but that's how I learn!
I LOVE FRANCE!!!
K... I can't lie... This past month has probably been the hardest so far! Starting with Halloween and kinda fluctuating however evident, I have just had a rough time... Mostly because my birthday and Thanksgiving were fast approaching. Those feelings kinda led to homesickness. On top of that, I felt stressed with all the catch-up I'm going to have to do next year and I was just fed up with French school and being "dumb"... At home, I knew there was always some way to figure out something I didn't understand but here it is just a matter of language and communication. I also really don't like the French school system and the teachers. The language is always a struggle. I had issues with some people in the US and France. I don't want to turn this into me complaining about things so I won't get into details. I was just flooded with a lot of worries that kept me up late thinking a lot of times. Quite a few tears were shed for I probably worked myself into a fret for no reason...
I knew having all these feelings are normal and I wouldn't want a little rough patch to send me home for good and trust me I thought of it... But I realize that I am happy here and I know I would be happy and feel more comfortable at home but this is such a great experience and I have grown immensely as a person. I consider here my home as well! But that doesn't stop me from missing my AZ home. I was so close with all my family. Me and my mom were talking about that... A lot of times it has made me feel like I wasn't a "good" teenager because I rarely fought with her. I can't even explain how much I really do miss my friends and family but I know that the people who truly care about me will let me enjoy this experience and be there for me when I come back :-)
French... So right now I am on a "No English" policy! It gets difficult at times but it has helped me a lot! I can ask how to say things in French but other than that, ALL FRENCH! I'm getting more and more used to French. The kids are always laughing at my accent! I can't help it :) and I won't let that stop me from trying! Everyone else thinks it's cute! Haha :-) I never thought I would be anywhere where I had an accent! I'm from AZ for gooness sakes! Not the Deep South! :-)
I understand a lot! Definetely more than I can speak! But I can usually find a way to say how I feel... I do get frustrated but just gotta keep working and looking for the light at the end of the tunnel! Everyday I improve and learn more! French is beautiful and I'm grateful for the opportunity to learn it :-) I am always happy when I have a conversation with someone and they understood everything! Also... I used to ask Amel what words were in French and so now it feels amazingly awesome when she asks me what a word in English is by saying the French and I know right what it is! I have a lot of people around me who are willing to help me learn and correct me when needed which may be more than I would like but that's how I learn!
I LOVE FRANCE!!!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Family Bowling Night
So Wednesday we went bowling with the Ashtons :) My family and I would go bowling all the time so it was so fun! Even if I did terrible :-/ I got like one spare and my totally was only 2 digits so I'll just leave it at that. I blame it on France because I never stunk this bad in America! Haha but then again all the kids had bumpers and I did not! I was laughing too much when this picture was takien
Carter was funny because he would just throw the ball, slip because he went past the line, and then starting dancing and messing around not even caring if he hit any pins! I love kids!!
I like bowling shoes... They are fun to go on your tiptoe in! So when the final frame came, Pascaline and Nicolas said if I could get a strike they would give me a note to get out of PE swimming the next day. I think I came one pin away and I was so distraught but they finally agreed that was okay! :)
We went to Haagen Daaz after :) I love me some ice cream! I had eaten mine pretty quickly because I hate melting but Mailys is like the slowest eater ever... So once I was all finished and she had only taken 10 licks tops, she decided she didn't want it anymore. Everyone was like "Just give it to Alyssa! She'll eat it!" So she shoved her melting ice cream into my hands... I was kinda in a pickle. I like ice cream don't get me wrong but I didn't know how I was gonna eat a whole nother! And it was just sitting there melting and I couldn't just chuck it out the window so it was either eat or have it covering your entire front side... So I ate it! Haha I guess I am just the American garbage disposal! I sure know how my dad feels now!
So the next day, I got to sleep in which made put me in a dang good mood! I took the 9:30 bus and I was on there about 5 minutes when the bus started smoking. The driver stopped right in the middle of the road and everyone evacuated the bus. I was having a hard time understanding what was going on because I couldn't understand but when everyone is rushing to get off the bus you kinda just go with the crowd :-)
So right when we got out, it started raining! I had forgotten my umbrella that morning and I was gonna go get it but I was afraid I would miss the bus... But I ended up standing in the rain because I caught the dang bus... Irony much? I guess I was just not meant to go to school that day! After about 10 or 15 minutes a replacement bus showed up and I actually ended up being right on time for class! Haha :)
Carter was funny because he would just throw the ball, slip because he went past the line, and then starting dancing and messing around not even caring if he hit any pins! I love kids!!
I like bowling shoes... They are fun to go on your tiptoe in! So when the final frame came, Pascaline and Nicolas said if I could get a strike they would give me a note to get out of PE swimming the next day. I think I came one pin away and I was so distraught but they finally agreed that was okay! :)
We went to Haagen Daaz after :) I love me some ice cream! I had eaten mine pretty quickly because I hate melting but Mailys is like the slowest eater ever... So once I was all finished and she had only taken 10 licks tops, she decided she didn't want it anymore. Everyone was like "Just give it to Alyssa! She'll eat it!" So she shoved her melting ice cream into my hands... I was kinda in a pickle. I like ice cream don't get me wrong but I didn't know how I was gonna eat a whole nother! And it was just sitting there melting and I couldn't just chuck it out the window so it was either eat or have it covering your entire front side... So I ate it! Haha I guess I am just the American garbage disposal! I sure know how my dad feels now!
So the next day, I got to sleep in which made put me in a dang good mood! I took the 9:30 bus and I was on there about 5 minutes when the bus started smoking. The driver stopped right in the middle of the road and everyone evacuated the bus. I was having a hard time understanding what was going on because I couldn't understand but when everyone is rushing to get off the bus you kinda just go with the crowd :-)
So right when we got out, it started raining! I had forgotten my umbrella that morning and I was gonna go get it but I was afraid I would miss the bus... But I ended up standing in the rain because I caught the dang bus... Irony much? I guess I was just not meant to go to school that day! After about 10 or 15 minutes a replacement bus showed up and I actually ended up being right on time for class! Haha :)
Monday, November 15, 2010
Singing in the Rain
I had been doing good since I had had my little "episode" on Saturday but once school came around... it was all downhill from there... I absolutely adore France but there is something about the school that is so out of my element everything from the people, the teachers, the work, the system in general, the French... It stresses me out and I just get really uncomfortable... It has some good moments but most of the time I feel like I am just lagging through the day just trying to get by! A lot of times I wish I could just go home but at night I feel a lot better... It's the days that are hard to get through! I just try to think of the family and friends who love me no matter what and will always be there for me. I don't need to be accepted because I already have all the people I need :) I love France but it isn't my home home! Well it's my temporary home but I know that at the end of this I'm going home to where I truly belong...
Okay now that that tangent is over... I was just having a rotten day at school worse than usual. I barely talked and I was just drifting off! I had made it through most of the day but once it came down to go to science class at the end of the day, I just couldn't do it. I just told Amel I was sick and she said she would tell the teacher.
But instead of going home, I found myself walking to Cannes. I was just listening to my iPod trying to figure everything out, and I may have cried just a tad... It started raining... It had been drizzling all day but it got more and more intense. Because of the rain and the terrible day that had just occurred, I thought some ice cream was in order :-) I always like ice cream when it's raining. So I walked int Haagen Daaz and got my usual caramel thingamajiggy! Seriously right when I started eating it my day just got so much better. It was pouring rain but there I was eating ice cream! You should have seen the looks I got!
I was listening to music too :)
I started walking towards the beach on the little boardwalk there... And then it started raining some more! It doesn't look like it so much but you can't really take a picture of the rain... Seriously though everytime I tried to take a pic my phone got completely soaked
I jumped in some puddles because... well... there is just a point where you can't get much wetter so what's the point in trying to stop it! I hadn't had this much fun in so long! I felt like such a little kid but after all the hard times I was having it was so worth it :)
By the end I looked absolutely fabulous...On the bus going home..
By the time I had gotten back, I had dried a little but not much so I went and boiled myself in the bathtub :)
It was a crazy day but I had never felt so happy and carefree in such a long time. Overall I am not a very spontaneous person but I do have my moments. That was a day I will never want to forget :) I even kept the Haagen Daaz spoon to remind me of it!
Okay now that that tangent is over... I was just having a rotten day at school worse than usual. I barely talked and I was just drifting off! I had made it through most of the day but once it came down to go to science class at the end of the day, I just couldn't do it. I just told Amel I was sick and she said she would tell the teacher.
But instead of going home, I found myself walking to Cannes. I was just listening to my iPod trying to figure everything out, and I may have cried just a tad... It started raining... It had been drizzling all day but it got more and more intense. Because of the rain and the terrible day that had just occurred, I thought some ice cream was in order :-) I always like ice cream when it's raining. So I walked int Haagen Daaz and got my usual caramel thingamajiggy! Seriously right when I started eating it my day just got so much better. It was pouring rain but there I was eating ice cream! You should have seen the looks I got!
I was listening to music too :)
I started walking towards the beach on the little boardwalk there... And then it started raining some more! It doesn't look like it so much but you can't really take a picture of the rain... Seriously though everytime I tried to take a pic my phone got completely soaked
I jumped in some puddles because... well... there is just a point where you can't get much wetter so what's the point in trying to stop it! I hadn't had this much fun in so long! I felt like such a little kid but after all the hard times I was having it was so worth it :)
By the end I looked absolutely fabulous...On the bus going home..
By the time I had gotten back, I had dried a little but not much so I went and boiled myself in the bathtub :)
It was a crazy day but I had never felt so happy and carefree in such a long time. Overall I am not a very spontaneous person but I do have my moments. That was a day I will never want to forget :) I even kept the Haagen Daaz spoon to remind me of it!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Another French Dinner Party
Saturday was a real rough day... Just the whole weekend had mounted into one big confusion of emotions. My birthday and Thanksgivng were getting closer and closer. I felt like the more attention that was put on it the more I wanted to skip it! It made me miss my family like no other and I would just want to cry... Saturday evening I spent a large amount of time crying but I was discovered by some of the kids even though I was trying to bury my tear-stained, make-up smeared, puffy-eyed face in my pillow pretending I was sleeping but it didn't work out so well...
They told the adults. I was thoroughly embarrassed... I don't like crying in front of people... And Pascaline just came into my dark room and was talking to me. She knows there are just times that are hard. She is so sweet! We can't understand each other all the time but to love her like my mom doesn't always need to be communicated. I know she cares about me :) She gave me a big hug and encouraged me to go to the dinner party and I'm really glad she did or I would have cried even more that night bundled up in my dark room...
She even said I could call my family. My Skype microphone hadn't been working so we hadn't been able to really talk to each other for too long. They were at the Gilbert Temple Breaking Ceremony but I caught them right before it was about to start. It did make me feel a better :) It was my hardest day by far. Anytime I had a bad day I would always talk and hang out with my mom and family. I can't really do that especially since the fact that this bad day was caused by missing my family so if I was with my family I wouldn't have had this problem in the first place.
So I wiped off the mascara off my face, changed at lightning speed, and made myself presentable. We drove to the dinner. The same couple had been over to our house a few days before. They work with Nicolas or something like that. The guy was so crazy! He was in the kitchen cooking (that I didn't understand cuz he was the guest), throwing down some English, and the most hilarious... singing! Just this loud "Ahh daaaddaaa duhhh" so I knew I was in for an interesting night again.
There was homemade pizza (They had a brick pizza oven! So legit!) for appetizers... I had like 3 squares and I kept getting offered more but I was practically full and dinner hadn't even started! He was singing again :) The couple's daughter and her 3 kids were there as well.
For the actual dinner, we had raclette which is the melted cheese thing that Jeremy had gotten in Paris. You eat it with different thinly sliced hams and meats and then potatoes. It was so good but I was so stuffed by the end! I had Tropizian cake for dessert but I couldn't finish it. I was so stuffed! I thought French were supposed to have tiny portions but that night like many other dinner parties I was so stuffed. If you just stop, it seems rude so I get conflicted! After we had some dried fruit and later some chcocolate...
As we were getting up from the table, Nicolas was trying to ask me "Are you thirsty?" and it came out "Are you thirty?"... My reponse "No actually I'm 17!" Haha I almost died laughing!!!
Their daughter was smoking almost the entire night... In the house... In front of her kids and guests... I thought it was rather rude! It's her vice but I think she should have been a little more respectful of others... I counted like 6 cigarettes total that night!
Nicolas was driving crazy on the way back! He would go kinda fast over the bumps and he was like "I like zeh bumps!" Haha his English was quite entertaining that night!
Once I got back, I skyped my mom. She made me feel a lot better but the thing I always just really want is to be with her :/ Later I skyped Lane and Linds... That didn't turn out so well... We kinda got into a little tiff... I dont' want to say what exactly about ... I stared crying more and more... So I skyped my mom again for a while. I had the biggest headache by the end of it and I couldn't even manage to get up to brush my teeth or wash my face after. I just fell asleep right there... I woke up at like 6 am and did all that stuff. My eyes were so puffy. My eyelids were like 3 times thicker than normal. I am not a very pretty cry-er...
They told the adults. I was thoroughly embarrassed... I don't like crying in front of people... And Pascaline just came into my dark room and was talking to me. She knows there are just times that are hard. She is so sweet! We can't understand each other all the time but to love her like my mom doesn't always need to be communicated. I know she cares about me :) She gave me a big hug and encouraged me to go to the dinner party and I'm really glad she did or I would have cried even more that night bundled up in my dark room...
She even said I could call my family. My Skype microphone hadn't been working so we hadn't been able to really talk to each other for too long. They were at the Gilbert Temple Breaking Ceremony but I caught them right before it was about to start. It did make me feel a better :) It was my hardest day by far. Anytime I had a bad day I would always talk and hang out with my mom and family. I can't really do that especially since the fact that this bad day was caused by missing my family so if I was with my family I wouldn't have had this problem in the first place.
So I wiped off the mascara off my face, changed at lightning speed, and made myself presentable. We drove to the dinner. The same couple had been over to our house a few days before. They work with Nicolas or something like that. The guy was so crazy! He was in the kitchen cooking (that I didn't understand cuz he was the guest), throwing down some English, and the most hilarious... singing! Just this loud "Ahh daaaddaaa duhhh" so I knew I was in for an interesting night again.
There was homemade pizza (They had a brick pizza oven! So legit!) for appetizers... I had like 3 squares and I kept getting offered more but I was practically full and dinner hadn't even started! He was singing again :) The couple's daughter and her 3 kids were there as well.
For the actual dinner, we had raclette which is the melted cheese thing that Jeremy had gotten in Paris. You eat it with different thinly sliced hams and meats and then potatoes. It was so good but I was so stuffed by the end! I had Tropizian cake for dessert but I couldn't finish it. I was so stuffed! I thought French were supposed to have tiny portions but that night like many other dinner parties I was so stuffed. If you just stop, it seems rude so I get conflicted! After we had some dried fruit and later some chcocolate...
As we were getting up from the table, Nicolas was trying to ask me "Are you thirsty?" and it came out "Are you thirty?"... My reponse "No actually I'm 17!" Haha I almost died laughing!!!
Their daughter was smoking almost the entire night... In the house... In front of her kids and guests... I thought it was rather rude! It's her vice but I think she should have been a little more respectful of others... I counted like 6 cigarettes total that night!
Nicolas was driving crazy on the way back! He would go kinda fast over the bumps and he was like "I like zeh bumps!" Haha his English was quite entertaining that night!
Once I got back, I skyped my mom. She made me feel a lot better but the thing I always just really want is to be with her :/ Later I skyped Lane and Linds... That didn't turn out so well... We kinda got into a little tiff... I dont' want to say what exactly about ... I stared crying more and more... So I skyped my mom again for a while. I had the biggest headache by the end of it and I couldn't even manage to get up to brush my teeth or wash my face after. I just fell asleep right there... I woke up at like 6 am and did all that stuff. My eyes were so puffy. My eyelids were like 3 times thicker than normal. I am not a very pretty cry-er...
Friday, November 12, 2010
Class Pictures
The French have a funny way of doing school pictures. They don't have yearbooks... Just one picture of your class because you are always with these people. It's like elementary school but you switch teachers. I think it's bizarre! And basically there are no rules when it comes to class pictures! Earlier that day, I saw this one class taking pictures and there was this guy wear NOTHING but some spandex shorts! It was freezing first of all and how in the hey would anyone let him do that? And then I saw others kids just wearing bright colors, odd scarves, funny glasses, and just random things... Amel told me that this is totally normal! And everyone is okay with it! Haha later we went to get our pictures taken indvidually. I seriously sat down for 1 second and it was over and then the class picture was quite a trip! Haha definetly different from US!
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Me and My Big Sister
So one day Mailys was insistent she do my hair... I let her :-) And this was the result...
I kept it in for the rest of the night even if I did look like her little sister!
I kept it in for the rest of the night even if I did look like her little sister!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Au Revoir English!
Okay from now on until my birthday I am no longer speaking any speck of English even with the Ashtons! I can say "How do you say 'so and so word in English'?" but other than that nada! It's about time and I really have to commit! I can however speak English for a half an hour 3 times a week. Just if I need to talk to somebody cuz I'm having a hard time or something. The hardest is having to speaking French with the Ashtons because when I have something I want to tell them I know I could easily do it in English but I have to figure it out in French :)
I revel in the fact that I can speak coherent and intelligent English but I hate sounding like an idiot in French... I know that's normal and all but I can't wait until the day when I can speak somewhat decent French :) Sometimes it feels years away... But this will for surely help me out tons!
I revel in the fact that I can speak coherent and intelligent English but I hate sounding like an idiot in French... I know that's normal and all but I can't wait until the day when I can speak somewhat decent French :) Sometimes it feels years away... But this will for surely help me out tons!
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